i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
