I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
