Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
