we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
