So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
