Soap is not a condiment
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
