is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
