I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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