I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
