1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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