Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
