A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
