Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ttyl tear gas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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