Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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