when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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