first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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