so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize