I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
