she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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