And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
