Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
