omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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