I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't turn off my feet"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
