my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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