he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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