why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
