well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize