So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
