I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
