I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My hand turned me down
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
