my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
