I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
