Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
