I'm going to jail i love you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
