I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
