I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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