My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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