Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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