I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
