Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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