you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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