You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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