Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
