Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
