you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this hospital has no fireball
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
