Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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