I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
