i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
