Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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