hotel room ftw
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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