You can't motorboat a personality
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
