After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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