I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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