Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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