Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
