so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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