ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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