All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
