I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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