from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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