god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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