i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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