Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
