yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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