it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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