Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize